he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
