Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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