Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
