If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
