I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize