Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
