Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is the high leading the old right now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
