Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You pole danced in your parka.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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