I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
