can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
