i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am one with the molecules
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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