Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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