Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
