at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize