We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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