I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
