I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
