Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize