Only a mothe r could love this liver
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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