You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I see more hoeing in ur future
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