guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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