dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
