I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think a kid would responsible me up
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
