gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
