Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize