I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
