So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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