oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
