the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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