You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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