Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
