One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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