at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
