what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
