Please, let me fuck your mom
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
vagina is talking i cant
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
