now i know why i became what i already was.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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