As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
