a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
