I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
