Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
