I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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