last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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