Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize