yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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