How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
