Screwed.edu
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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