First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
