I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
