i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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