i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize