i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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