Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
