Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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