and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
