i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
