Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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