i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
