I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize