I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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