You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
