I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
