Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Boobs are out for the taking
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
