Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
