"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
