I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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