I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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