TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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