I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
