Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
