I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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