..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
