I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
