Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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