i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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