She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
