so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
