I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
