does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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