guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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