Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
