I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
