yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
