those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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