At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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