I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
