The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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