Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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