I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
