Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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