there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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