Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
