just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
