Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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