if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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