I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
