You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We need to get me chipped asap
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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