my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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