Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
