Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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