I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
