he thought i was a dude.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
