bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
