i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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