anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
