its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
