your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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