nut hugger
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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