I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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