I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
