By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
