No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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