I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
