There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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