not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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